Question-Asking
Curiosity.
It’s something that has distinguished me from groups I’ve been a part of for quite some time now.
Growing up, my identity as a Catholic Christian was something I seldom questioned.
I certainly didn’t question why I did what I did.
Afterall, I grew up in a Catholic household, went to Catholic school K-12, and participated in my Catholic church.
It’s just,
well, all that I knew.
As I approached high school, I found myself asking questions as many teenagers do.
Does God exist?
If so, how can I be convinced that He loves me?
Is there an afterlife?
How do I know Heaven is real?
(These are healthy questions, might I add.)
I am a biiiiiig fan of asking questions and seeking truth.
Besides… we are told to always have a reason for our hope - 1 Peter 3:15.
How can you expect a teenager to have a reason for their faith when you haven’t given them the freedom and the space to ask the big questions?
With all this being said, I was incredibly blessed with a pool of people who craved my understanding of the faith just as much as I did. My parents not only allowed, but invited open discussions regarding the “big questions” of my faith. (More to come in my “Why I’m Catholic” blog post.) They let my brothers and I mess up, seek forgiveness, and they always received us like how I believe the Father would. Mom and Dad met me with great gentleness and compassion.
THIS, this is how I believe Jesus Christ would receive me. Learning the characteristics of my Heavenly Father through the vessel of my earthly parents as a child was pivotal, and I would argue nearly essential for the formation and Catechesis of the youth of the Church, such as myself and my brothers. My parents, and certainly my God, weren’t interested in playing tug-of-war when it came to seeking Truth. They were on my team, fighting for me, and willing my good.
“For indeed, a house is a little church.” - St. John Chrysostom
This statement served as truth for me growing up. My parents invited our family into learning the beauty of the tradition of our faith, all while intertwining it with our personal relationship.
When my parents prayed, it was evident they were doing so out of desire to be in communion with Jesus Christ, rather than doing so out of obligation. Something that always stuck with me was how my parents prayed that I would “become the person God made me to be.”
This not only affirmed my identity as a Daughter, but also a Disciple.
My earthly parents and Heavenly Father weren’t scandalized by my spirit of inquiry. They not only allowed my questions, but they invited them.
I began feeling safe asking questions, and for awhile I went back-and-forth, wondering if my wrestling meant that I didn’t have enough faith. I later learned that my inquisitive nature would serve me in defending my faith in college, and in having a reason for my hope.
One of my friends recently called me a “Truth Seeker”
Now this - this is a name I could get behind.
Afterall, Christ Himself declared that if I seek, I shall find - Matthew 7. What an exciting promise!
I ask questions because I seek to know answers.
Answers that I can apply, integrate, and live out boldly,
Seeking to live from a place of confidence in who God is, and who He made me to be.
This role as truth-seeker launched a journey of question-asking within my faith, beginning around age 16, and unraveling forevermore.
Sometimes, my question-asking looked like a quick Google search,
Other times, it also looked like:
Eyes scanning pages of my bible looking tirelessly for answers
Yelling at God sitting at the base of a crucifix, convinced He didn’t hear me in my battle with anxiety that seemed to cripple me (I was so blinded in prayer, I couldn’t even see my Savior’s love speaking loudly to me through the image of His body draped upon a cross)
Rapid-firing questions at priests and theology teachers when I felt like their answers didn’t suffice
Searching the Catechism of the Catholic Church up and down, left and right, wondering if “Tradition” was just some make-believe excuse for stubborn Catholics not wanting to change their ways (news flash - it wasn’t. Tradition isn’t something to fear, but rather, something to deep-dive in to, for the truth found within is RICH. 2 Thessalonians 2:15)
Journaling PAGES upon pages, seeing if God would answer me more clearly if my petitions were in written form
(Just to name a few.)
If it isn’t obvious enough,
I have had quite the litany of questions.
My inquisitive nature is something I have come to tap into over the years.
In some ways, my curiosity can lead me to ask questions, gain deeper understanding, and let my passion for my faith in particular grow all the more, like a raging fire.
On the other hand, however, my curiosity can become one of two things, which could both be considered tragedies:
My curiosity can have an expiration date: Oftentimes when I grow curious and want to grow in my understanding of particular doctrines, I want to understand overnight. I wish the Spirit of God would just bear immediate fruit so that I could use it for His glory, defending His honor and His Church. However, I fail to understand that He is an infinite God, full of mystery. He is a God who gives grace and wisdom where and when HE deems fit, not when I do.
My curiosity can turn into seeking answers in a place, rather than a Person: When I hyperfixate on details of my faith, I tend to lose sight of the simple gospel. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. If I seek Him above all else, He will lead me to live in the light. Afterall, He left me with His Spirit, His Word, His Body, and His Church. What sustenance!
With these tragedies being identified, I’ve found that I’m able to lean more into my questions with a particular freedom, resting in the truth that God is with me. He is not playing games. He seeks for me to live in the hope of the Resurrection, not fearing death, my fears, or the unknown. There is nowhere I will go that He hasn’t already been.
Here are some of my favorite verses to go back to when wrestling with any details of my faith regarding practice, tradition, philosophy, or apologetics. (All of which are beautiful and necessary, by the way - when rightly ordered in the light of Christ Jesus!)
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you.” - Matthew 7:7-8
“It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.” - Proverbs 25:2
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” - Isaiah 55:8-9
“Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence.” - 1 Peter 3:15
And my favorite…
“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” - Mark 9:24
May the God of peace fill you with confidence that He has never left you and will never leave you,
May the God of wisdom teach you to follow in His ways that are not our own,
May the God of understanding assure you that He does not condemn your curiosity.
May you, a child of the King, know that your Maker is well aware of the inclinations of your flesh.
May you know that He is not scandalized by your doubts, but rather, He implores you to approach Him with them.
He is a God of clarity, peace, justice, understanding, knowledge, and love.
He seeks to give you every good thing.
May you believe that “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” - Ecclesiastes 3:11
He is not stringing you along.
He is just getting started.
You can trust Him with your everything.
And yes - even your questions.
In Christ,
Emma
