8 Days in Silence
During the first week of January 2026, I went on an 8-day silent retreat with the rest of the first year full-time missionaries with Life Teen. We each had our own cabin, and some rules going into the week. We each were assigned a spiritual director, mine being the most AMAZING Sister Eliana from Franciscan University. We were allowed to have an hour meeting with our spiritual director per day, but other than that, no human interaction. No eye contact, no talking, no hand motions; no technology, no reading besides Scripture and the lives of the Saints - all for eight days. We attended daily Mass, and had four designated holy hours a day spent diving into the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius.
Now, this might seem radical to most, because quite frankly, it is.
I had never done something like this, and I was anxious to see what it would be like.
I couldn’t quite grasp what “the point” of all of this was.
If this all seems foreign to you, it’s okay, because it was foreign to me too.
All I knew was that I was seeking rest, seeking restoration. I had so much that I wanted to debrief with the LORD. I had gone through formation, salvation history classes, and had numerous powerful prayer experiences from the fall semester. I had been working in ministry for four months now, and had yet to stop and take a deep breath.
This was what I knew: It was time for me to return to the Vine. Return to my Life Source, the Wellspring of Living Water. I sought to be back in the arms of my Loving Father and simply be held as the child I am. I just wanted to be still. I wanted to hear the Shepherd’s voice. I ached to simply be with my Jesus.
Prior to this retreat, I knew very little about St. Ignatius or what his “spiritual exercises” entailed.
I quickly learned that Ignatius of Loyola’s conversion began in 1521 after a cannonball shattered his leg in battle, leaving him bedridden and forced to reflect on his life of vanity and ambition. While recovering, he read about the lives of Christ and the saints and noticed that thoughts of worldly glory left him empty, while thoughts of God brought lasting peace and desire for holiness. Through this deep interior reflection and prayer, Ignatius developed the Spiritual Exercises as a guide to help others discern God’s voice, detach from disordered desires, and grow in intimacy with Christ. His exercises are essentially comprised of calling upon the Holy Spirit, surrendering my imagination to Him, and entering into the Gospel narratives, encountering Jesus in a personal and profound way. This dives into praying with scripture, not just studying it, through various contemplative and meditative practices.
After spending 8 days in silence, I walked away learning, or rather, being reminded of a thing or two.
Here were a few of my takeaways:
A “silent” retreat isn’t actually that silent at all. My mind was quite busy with conversations with the LORD, self-talk, and the art of noticing. I discovered how many more birds I heard singing their morning song, how many more critters were out at night, how the raindrops actually seem to harmonize, and how I couldn’t help but sing to the LORD quietly because my soul just yearned for it.
Some things I realized in participating in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius:
Our God is omnipresent - a.k.a., He transcends all of time and space. If I believe the Word of God is living and effective, and that He seeks to speak to me in it, then what makes me think that scripture was only for the characters of the Bible? These narratives of Salvation History were made real to me in a very personal way, to the point where after I contemplated stories like Jesus’ birth, His baptism, His raising of Lazarus, and so on, I felt like I was actually there. Jesus would have done it all over again if it was just for me, and if it was just for you, so He certainly wants to encounter you in the Scriptures as His Spirit guides you through.
Some things the LORD showed me in prayer:
It’s not that complicated! Prayer can seem over-zealous and complicated at times, but as Jesus Himself said, don’t babble on. The Catechism says that prayer is simply lifting one’s soul up to God. Fun fact - I can pray without even having words. The greater majority of my prayer during this mission year has looked like simply exposing my heart to the One who created it - in all its wounds, all its vulnerability. And yet, this allows me to look more like Him.
I met the Holy Spirit in an unbelievably powerful way. Having breakfast with Jesus turned into sitting with Him on the porch of Camp Covecrest, and I had the most genuine, fluid, and REAL conversation with Christ I’ve ever had in my life. If I believe His words: “Behold, I am with you always until the end of the age”, what makes me think He wouldn’t want to accompany me in every mundane moment, such as simply eating breakfast and talking about what we love? My friends, this is the most divine and simple love story I’ve ever heard in my life.
If I am willing yet afraid to show Jesus my woundedness, I simply just have to look upon a crucifix - it is here I find everything that I need to know. I am aware of the length He would go to to show me He loves me. I can see that He surrendered EVERYTHING to the perfect will of the Father - and He was still provided for. Though He already had the throne and could have flaunted in like the royal King He is, He did not regard equality with God as something to be grasped, but rather, emptied Himself taking the form of the slave to look more like me. In letting Him heal my open bleeding wounds, I notice that His wounds, too, are healed. As He restores me, I actually see a more perfected view of who He is, and who I am. The enemy’s lies are no longer as believable - praise be to God.
In most of my imaginative prayer with Jesus, His Mother was there. I was quite surprised to see her in the background with every encounter I had with her Son… And then it dawned on me. The reality of Mary being present for Jesus’ biggest life moments was something I hadn’t quite considered. His birth, His childhood, His preaching in the temple, His first miracle, His big sermons, His Passion and death, His appearance in the Upper Room, and the descent of His Holy Spirit. Of course it makes sense that she sought to be a Mother to me, as well, when I was entering into the reality of the events that took place in the Gospels. She loves Him more than any human to ever exist… think about it. God chose ONE human being to know Him so intimately that she held His very life within her. As St. Augustine so beautifully writes, “Him whom the Heavens could not contain, the womb of one woman bore.” I learned the beauty of being accompanied by Mother Mary. Her heart is never to take away from her son. She so beautifully claimed me as her own yet again on 8-day.
I came into this retreat pondering the idea of “grace upon grace.” I had known that it was only by God’s grace that I am who I am. And yet — in all this time of pondering grace, I had yet to ask: “What is grace?” I asked my spiritual director, Sister Eliana, to get me the definition of grace. In our evening conference, where we were led in spiritual teaching by Brother Thomas, a member of the Servants of Christ Jesus, Sister Eliana slipped me a sticky note. It was there, that grace was defined. “The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines grace as: the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God, adoptive sons, partakers of the divine nature and of eternal life. I learned that all along, this is what I’d been experiencing! I was partaking in Jesus Christ’s divine nature and in His life here on earth. Every Mass, prayer, praise, conversation, laugh, and cry that I’d offered up, allowed me to participate deeper in the mystery of the life of Christ. Now THIS is grace! This is what it means to come alive in Jesus Christ. Praise Him.
Practical steps I’m taking post-retreat:
Protecting my silence. This looks different for everyone, but for me, there is often a temptation to fill the silence. I am quick to turn on the radio, to pick up my phone and scroll, or even to mindlessly flip through books, and yes, even the Bible, to avoid the task that is at hand. That task is, well of course, being honest with myself and honest with the LORD in prayer. This retreat taught me not to fear the stillness and the “lack”, because as we know, the LORD seeks to feed the hungry. “Open wide your mouth and I will fill it” He says. This goes for spiritual hunger as well. He does not call Himself “Father” just to leave us orphaned. He does not call Himself “Bread of Life” just to leave us hungry. He does not say “wait on the LORD” just to leave us abandoned. He is a God of His promises - He is faithful.
With all this being said, there are not enough words in the English language to explain what exactly this time of sacred solitude meant to me. The LORD spoke so clearly, clearer than I’ve ever heard Him speak before. Even within the past four months, I have reflected on my journal writings and am shocked by the ways Jesus has brought some of my prayers to fruition even in such a short span of time. I am well aware that this experience might just be once-in-a-lifetime — and for this opportunity, I am so grateful. I wouldn’t have gotten to witness such glory in my heart and the hearts of those I know if it weren’t for the priests, my amazing director Sister Eliana, the wisdom of St. Ignatius, all of Life Teen staff who prepared our spaces and fed us. For my family and friends who wrote me letters, and for my mission partners who have loved me, supported me, and encouraged me, I am simply left in tears when I think of you. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for giving me the year of a lifetime to serve God and His children. You generosity and stewardship of your gifts will be greatly rewarded — of this I am convinced. I know that I have walked away forever changed, and that this retreat was just a spark into a wildfire He seeks to cultivate within my soul.
May we all slow down,
breath in His presence,
and tune our ear to the voice of our Good, Good Shepherd.
In Christ,
Emma
